


He Really Just Wants Some Coffee

by asteroidhearts



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Diary/Journal, Funny, Gen, crack-ish actually, reader relationship bc you're reading his journal entry, seriously it's JUST him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 21:50:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5514578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asteroidhearts/pseuds/asteroidhearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has gotten himself a journal.  It is 3:47 AM, and he has some thoughts on some things.<br/>Also, he will never write in this journal again.<br/> </p><p>"This is a potential blackmail item waiting to happen." - Tony Stark, first AND last journal entry</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Really Just Wants Some Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: the author wants to inform the reader that she loves tea very very very much. the author does not discriminate between tea- and/or coffee-drinkers. however, Tony is slightly different.
> 
> that being said, the views and opinions of Anthony "Tony" Edward Stark does not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the author (and the reader also maybe). this was written out of pure - er - insomnia? boredom? nah, not boredom. pure fun (!!!).
> 
> enjoy.
> 
> PS: you know Tony friggin Stark is magical if this drabble is literally 1234 words.

 

_3:47 AM, 24 December, Stardate: 2015_

 

 

Truth be told, I don’t even know why I bought this journal.

 

I think it’s because of the style?  Leather (faux, actually), strong spine (I think), smooth pages (oh yes).  Really sold it to me.  Had to get it.  It was only, like, $10.

 

Pepper was beyond ecstatic when I showed this to her.  Her eyes got so big and she literally went, “This is the best thing you have ever shown me since last night”.  Last night.  Wink.

 

She then proceeded to tell me that I could use this journal to write down all of the thoughts and musings that I have during the day.  I made a face.  I got the journal because it felt good in my hands, I have no intention of writing anything in it ever, and most certainly none of my THOUGHTS and my FEELINGS.  This is a potential blackmail item waiting to happen.

 

But then, I realize, that is exactly what I’m doing right now.  I’m actually writing in this journal.  Pepper is beautiful AND clairvoyant; I love her so much.

 

Also it just occurred to me that tonight is Christmas Eve and tomorrow is Christmas Day.  Well, won’t you look at that.  I actually got myself a present without even knowing that I was getting myself a present.  Beautiful and clairvoyant, just like my Pepper.

 

You know what?  As an ode to our shared beauty and clairvoyance, I’m gonna write down everything in here that is running around in my mind.  Kind of like a stream-of-consciousness kinda thing.  It might not make sense but at least I’m doing it in honor of something cool.

 

One: Holden Caulfield is a dramatic bastard.  (insert smiley face here.)  I like the fact that he’s a teenager but he’s also got the mouth of a sailor.  True American, Caulfield.  (Incidentally, “True American, Caulfield” is the title of one of Rogers’s memoirs.)

 

Two: Why is dastard a word?  Okay so dastard either means (n.) “a mean, sneaking coward” or (adj.) “of or befitting a dastard; mean, sneaky, and cowardly”.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good word, should be used more often.  I realize I’ve never actually used that word in real life, written OR verbal.  So, maybe my point is, how come the words that describe things are the words that describe those said things?

That question makes sense.

 

Three: I just want some coffee.  I get that it is very late and it is the morning and that coffee will not help but I JUST GOT A NEW ESPRESSO MACHINE and it makes this HISSING NOISE and SMOKE BILLOWS FROM THIS HOLE AT THE TOP and it smells like ACTUAL PARADISE.

On second thought, maybe I don’t need caffeine.

 

Four: If I could go back in time, I would befriend Ernest Hemingway.  That man knows booze like I know how to breathe.  Also, he is very intelligent.  Everyone should read “A Farewell to Arms”.  I almost fell in love with Hemingway.  Almost.

 

Five: Sometimes you don’t need the ideal.  Sometimes what you should want is the realistic thing.  Ideal gets you through via caged thoughts; pragmatism (another wonderful word!) gets you through via actuality.  And life is an actual thing.  So, that means, people should be more HERE instead of IN THERE.

 

Six: I just really want some coffee.

 

Seven: Pepper has tea, though, maybe I’ll resort to that.  Maybe.

Wanna know who else has/loves tea?  _ROGERS_.  I swear to the National Anthem, I have never met anyone who has so MANY STACKS of BOXES of tea in their cupboards.  He has all the types.  Even if he doesn’t, he probably does.  It’s really a mystery that he and Pepper haven’t connected yet.  Anyone who has that many boxes of tea should be able to telepathically converse with other people who drink tea.  Like, doesn’t it give superpowers?  All that healthiness.  Eugh  yuck.

 

Eight: I really, really, really like classical music.

 

Nine: I find it especially hilarious that people think that Stark Tower is “cutting-edge” and “technologically advanced” and “a trendsetter in architecture” when, in reality, just yesterday ALL of the toilets on the first five floors broke.  Flooded everything.  It was amazing, one of the best days of my life.

And then Pepper had all of them fixed in, like, 4 hours so I don’t know.

 

Ten: I really miss JARVIS.

 

11: I JUST HAD AN AMAZING idea.

In my humble opinion, I believe that making a shirt that says “LANGUAGE” will definitely spread awareness about inappropriate vernacular and Rogers’s Americanism.  I believe that he will be joyous when he sees it.  I should gift it to him for Christmas.

 

12: Also, in my humbler opinion, I believe that making the aforementioned shirt instead of sleeping counts as doing good in the world.

 

13: To be quite honest, I miss Thor, too.

 

14: I’m very worried about Banner’s whereabouts.  Multiple search-and-rescue operations have been conducted and they still haven’t found him.  Rhodey had connected with two of his squadrons who are posted closest to the patch of the Atlantic where Banner’s jet allegedly landed.  Still, the news practically have nothing to say.  His office here has been dark and desolate for far too long.  I only hope that he is safe and alive, and that the other guy isn’t giving him too much trouble.  But I should know him better than that.  Banner is strong, just as he is.

 

15: I now suddenly thought of inviting Barton’s family to celebrate Christmas here.  Maybe I could throw a party.  Or a dinner.  I think a dinner would be better, to have most of the team together eating good food with good company.  Yeah, that’s a good idea.

 

16: I am running out of things to say (write?), so I’m gonna finish at Thought #20.

 

17: I wonder what’s going on with Hydra.  They’ve been dangerously quiet.  Which means no, I don’t believe that that stupid dumb-dumb organization is completely quenched.  I think they might just be working underground right now, which is kind of terrifying in a way.  Like they could spring up at any moment with their tentacles of evil and squeeze the life out of everything in their wake.

 

18: Out of curiosity, I looked up what a regular hydra looks like and…... I’m very disappointed in big-H Hydra.  A hydra has multiple heads.  Hydra (the YGO or yes-government organization) has multiple tentacles.  So Hydra’s “cut off one head, two will take its place” mantra DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER.  Please laugh at this.  I want people to know this.  I mean I don’t want to give Hydra any free advertisement because that’s kinda counterproductive, but… COME ON!!!!!!!

I’m gonna tell Steve about this at the Christmas dinner.  I will make him GUFFAW.

 

19: So I just realized that I may be planning the dinner a little too last-minute but… where there’s a will, there’s a way.

 

20: It’s 4:16.  And I actually kind of feel a little better.  Until next time, I suppose?  How does one end a journal entry?  Ooh, I’ll make up a closing statement right now.

 

** STARK.  OUT. **

 

 

xxxxxx

 

 

The brown faux-leather journal that Tony purchased now sits idly inside his office desk, locked away, collecting dust, completely ignored.  He will never write in it ever again.

 

The Christmas dinner went well, though.

 

 


End file.
